We are always being told to ‘be ourselves’ and not to worry what anyone thinks of us. But while this is good advice, it is easier said than done. Why? Because being ourselves makes us stand out – when all we really want to do is fit in.
Fitting in is a BIG deal for teens, but what does it actually mean? If you look it up in an online dictionary it says this: to be accepted by a group of people because you are similar to them. Personally, I think this pretty much sums it up, but while the definition seems simple, for us teens it’s actually a lot more complicated.
For us, fitting in is a crucial part of our reputation and friendship group choices. We feel the need to be accepted into groups, because we want to be secure and safe in our environment.
Fitting in can be hard, believe me I know! This year I started at a new school and I was faced with a whole new group of girls.
While I have now gotten to know these girls just fine, there was, and sometimes still is, that annoying little thought in the back of my head saying “Do they like me? Do they think I’m weird? Am I talking too much or not enough?”
Being liked is a HUGE part of fitting in because, in order for a person to be accepted in to a group, their peers within that group must like them.
When faced with new people and situations we are confronted with thoughts such as “is being myself good enough for this person?
At the start of the school year I found it difficult in certain situations be myself, because I wanted to be liked, I wanted to fit in.
This is why we find it so hard when parents tell us to ‘just be ourselves’. Most teenagers are totally themselves when they’re with their family, with them they know they fit in, because they are, well… family. But when faced with new people and situations we are confronted with thoughts such as “is being myself good enough for this person?”
The answer is yes, of course. But teens struggle with that thought and feel the need to change themselves in order to fit in. In my experience it takes time to get to know and make new friends. Yeah, I wasn’t always completely myself but as I opened up so did they.
The truth is that when we are ourselves, we are the best person we can be. I believe there is someone out there for everyone to fit in with; we just need to find them.
