For as long as there has been fashion, magazines, movies and supermodels, there has also been body shame and judgement. Teens have always been particularly susceptible, but before we start helping our children foster a positive body image, we may need to first repair our own relationship with our body.
Avery editor Sarah Hausler talks to Taryn Brumfitt, creator of the Body Image Movement and mother of three, about teens, parents and the important discussions around body shame and acceptance.
Avery: How much influence do parents have on their children’s body image? How do we compete against the ever present onslaught of advertising, music videos, social media and their peers?
Taryn: We need to educate our teenagers that not all they see is real, and that sexualisation and objectification of girls and women is not ok. We need them to understand this is not normal behaviour and there are a lot of companies who are trying to sell them a product by making them feel a certain way.
Teens will often do the opposite of whatever we tell them. But they actually do value our opinions and will take on board what we are saying if we are sincere – not that they will admit it! Teenagers today can be far more perceptive than we were when we were young. It all comes down to education and open dialogue. Talk to them about how fake it all is.
Avery: How can we support our teenage daughters – and sons – to develop their own body confidence, and not fall prey to the body-shaming and self-loathing so common in today’s society?
Taryn: It’s important that we’re careful what we say about ourselves, our kids and anyone else for that matter! We need to start by not body shaming ourselves, by being conscious of words, terminologies and concepts that reinforce the notion that we have to look better. Again it comes down to dialogue with your kids. Talk to them, tell them that YOU feel great today and that they’re great today and that they’re funny, intelligent, wise and wonderful to be around.
Teens can take things very seriously so it’s important they’re exposed to as much positive language and ideas about the way people look and how we should value ourselves. Reinforce this concept for them as well as yourselves! Live the message you are trying to get through to them.
Avery: What about bullying – body image is a huge pain point many bullies use to their advantage – how do we help fortify our children against these tactics? How can we educate would be bullies not to use body shaming?
Taryn: We need to educate our children to understand that bodies come in all shapes, sizes and abilities. There is no right or wrong when it comes to bodies. We must be respectful and not judge people’s bodies or other people full stop!
We all have our own unique circumstances and life experiences that have led us to where we are today. Often bullies have issues themselves, they turn on other people to make themselves feel better. We can help stop the cycle by instilling in our kids a strong self belief. By not being affected by bullying, it disempowers the bully.
Avery: Do you see much inter-generational body image issues – for example, Granny passed down her issues to Mum, who passed them down to the granddaughter?
Taryn: This is a big one! The amount of negative body image related stories we’ve heard that have unfortunately been passed down by our mums and older relatives often stem from them meaning well, but they have a huge impact.
Avery: So how do we break that cycle?
Taryn: We have to take responsibility within our own homes and families to provide our children with a safe place to live, where there is no body shaming. We can do this through practical things such as not standing on the scales, not talking about diets and not commenting on anyone else’s body. We need to teach our children that they should value other people based on the things they do and the contributions they make, not on how they look.
Avery: What would you say to a Mum who is thinking “Crap, it’s too late, I’ve already made such a bad body image impression on my teen!”
Taryn: No! No! NO! Its never too late! It’s Never, Too. Late! As a side note here, please know that guilt serves no purpose, so if you are thinking ‘I’ve done this, and I haven’t done that’ you are not alone. We’re all doing the best we can do. It’s never too late for change, you can start in this moment. Positivity and change rubs off on other people, so go for it! Have a conversation with your teenager, as they’re old enough to understand. Sit down and say “Crap, I think I said X, Y and Z, and you know what, I don’t think that is actually true. I want to talk about some of the mistakes I made and what changes I’m going to make to embrace more body types and judge less”.
Avery: What about the boys? How do we explain body image issues to our sons? Should we be having different conversations with boys and girls about body image?
Taryn: Boys are often told to be strong, to not ‘cry like a girl’ and to shut their feelings down. Why should we do that? Expressing and understanding feelings, negative and positive is essential for growth and maturity.
We need to have conversations about body image and the concept of how our sons see women and girls, and what those girls should look like.
With boys, we need to educate them that what they see in magazines, games and movies is not real. That what they need to be looking for in a girl is someone who makes them feel great. I think beauty is something you can’t see. It is kindness and compassion, humility, humour and all of those things. We need to teach our boys that their value systems should be based on these things, not thigh gaps, size of breasts or ‘hot’ bodies.
Taryn is currently filming her upcoming documentary, Embrace, based on her personal story and the global mission that is the Body Image Movement. She also released her first book earlier this year. “Embrace. My story from body loather to body lover”, outlines her journey from being a woman so disgusted by her own body that she was planning plastic surgery, to being the leader of an international body acceptance movement. Check it out and join the movement at www.bodyimagemovement.com.au
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